So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
