you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
