Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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