I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
