Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
