did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
