If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
