You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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