im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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