then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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