there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
