do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
