i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
