Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
