my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
