it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I lost the right to judge tonight
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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