Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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