Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
