I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
