Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
