I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
