dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize