I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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