Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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