the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
