i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
