i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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