you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
