I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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