Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
