Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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