I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
