i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize