where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
