Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
