I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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