If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
