I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
3 2 1 whiskey
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
