Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
