I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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