dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
