hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
