oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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