Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dignity is for republicans.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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