so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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