I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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