And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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