i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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