I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
