i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nicole vs. Life
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
