oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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