i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
