And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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