someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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