I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How naked do you want me to be?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize