I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
