Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
