That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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