I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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