Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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