yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
