Pappa wants mamma naked
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
