Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
