My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
