Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
