The maid of honor just puked.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
