rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
