He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
where are you?
Hypothermia
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
