Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
