i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
