the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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