oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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