It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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