I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
