His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
