Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
