Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're my little dorito
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
