Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
