im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
