yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
