I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
